Friday, July 11, 2014

Admitting You Have a Problem and Exploring Distant Worlds


Dear Ellie,

Today we visited the Gastroenterologist.  According to him, you are basically a normal 2 month old baby as is appropriate with your adjusted age of 2 months.  Sadly there is one, heartbreaking exception.

You are an obese baby.

At 12 pounds, you are in the 70th percentile for babies of your adjusted age.  In and of itself, that's not a big deal.  HOWEVER, for babies of your age AND length, you are somewhere between the 99-97th percentile.  In other words, only 1 to 3 percent of babies are fatter than you.  It's not a huge problem now, but if you remain at this percentile in the coming months, it could, uhm, weigh down your developmental milestones.  Even though you'll probably be much better at rolling down a hill than the average baby, all that extra weight would make it harder for you to crawl or sit up on your own.

The picture above from the physical therapist speaks volumes.  That is, there are volumes of rolls spilling off of your body.  Maybe its hard to notice with all of that clothing on, so for the sake of heaping double the humiliation on you, here is a second picture of you without clothing (for Science!!):

        
I posted it as an extra high resolution picture because if you zoom in close enough, you should be able to see small hints of the vast diversity of life forms peeking out from between your rolls.  As a biologist, this has added an extra layer of excitement and intrigue to parenthood.  Each time I give you a bath and I run a washcloth through those rolls, it feels like I'm exploring distant worlds for signs of life.  All of those little canyons of flesh are like hospitable little pools of protoplasm amid the cracks and fissures of Titan or Europa.  Not too hot.  Not too cold.  Not too wet.  Not too dry.  Just right.  And just like a geologically active planet, new rolls are developing all the time, adding to the plethora of ecosystems.

I'm tempted to grab some petri dishes with agar and run an experiment.  According to the Theory of Island Biogeography, the bigger rolls should harbor greater species diversity and richness, so if we don't give you a bath for a few days and then collect some samples from each of your rolls, we can put the theory to the test.  I'd better do it soon, though, because your mother plans on putting you on a diet, in which case all of those little biological refugia will gradually dry up.  Why she would want to extinguish a biodiversity hotspot and baby all rolled into one is beyond me.  Maybe its for the same reason she won't let me keep a colony of fungus growing ants.  Oh well.  Mothers know best.

12 comments:

  1. I can't believe how big she is!!! She will surpass my one of my girls soon. My Emme is 21 months and 17.5 lbs Sabrina is almost 21lbs. hahaha. Weight gain is our biggest struggle. I wouldnt worry about ellie. She looks fantastic!!! She looks happy and so loved: )
    -Jen

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    1. Thanks for commenting. And yes, we're proud of our little rolley polley :-)

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    2. Love hearing, and seeing, how well Ellie is doing! Those smiles (and the rolls) are adorable. She's not going to be very happy with you and this post, though. I can hear her now, "Daaaadddyy!!!! You've ruined my liiiiiffffeeee!!" Of course, it is our job as parents to embarrass our children, so I guess you are doing a good job. lol
      ~Debby

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    3. Yep, humiliation is a central requisite of parenting. The teasing can never start too early!

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    4. Yes, Mommy, Aunt Danielle and Grandma Smith tried to convince Daddy that this blog post was too embarrassing. Daddy seemed to think a baby doesn't embarrass but the women could only think of the teenage Eleanor. Oh well, Daddy prevailed.

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  2. She does not seem to have that much fat, honestly, or it may just be that I've seen pudgier babies. She is a total cutie! Best of luck with that diet....hope she does not protest too much!

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    1. Dag nam it, that's what I said!! There's currently a battle between Rani and I about how much she should eating. I tend to air on the side of stuffing Ellie to the gills. Unfortunately, the GI looked at her and shook his head. According to him, she's too fat. When you do look at the growth charts, she's basically right off the chart so assuming that the chart isn't lying, she's a bit on the hefty side. I'm still in denial. There was a time she was so skinny you could conspicuously see her heart beating through her chest... we did everything we could to add weight to her, so now its kind of odd getting out of the habit.

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    2. lol, I'm nervous about how much Gauri drinks too, and with a bottle-fed baby, it is easy to fall into the dangerous habit of equating comforting with a handy bottle. I guess the best thing to do its let them be the deciders of how much they need, and not go beyond that? That is easy in theory, but much more tricky to execute :(

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    3. Yeah, we assumed that hunger was a good guide with Ellie, but she'll just keep sucking until turns into a milk fountain. Now that we took her off of the rice cereal, the reflux has sort of returned and created a natural barrier, I suppose. She'll eat a certain amount, cry in pain, then continue to suck.

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  3. I can see how keeping Ellie on the chunky side seems safe compared to how she looked not too long ago, but the doc is making a good point about obesity getting in the way of developmental milestones. Physical activity is more difficult with extra weight there's no doubt about it. Just imagine a normal weight adult for a day in the shoes of a toddler, much less an obese adult. I think those docs would be able to spot something like this easily, considering they've seen so many babies and the fact that she is in the 99th percentile for her length. :-) Also weight proportional to her length seems like a valid comparison instead of using just her adjusted age. I know she is behind in length but she will get there regardless of how many calories you feed her (past a normal amount). Anyway, have you talked with mom about this? Seems like she would know something on this subject since she's handled literally thousands and thousands of babies. Awww my sweet niece. I can't wait to hold all 12 pounds of her cuteness. Can't wait to come home!

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    1. Yeah, all that weight makes it tricky to lift herself, BUT I wonder if all of those rolls are like baby dumbbells?

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  4. On another note, I forgot Ellie was on the rice milk for reflux! So that kinda explains the weight gain.

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