Dear Ellie,
Your dad is a sea turtle. That might not sound like something someone would want to be, but it has its advantages. We sea turtles live a really long time and we've got a pretty good run of the ocean currents. So how do I know that I'm a sea turtle? Well, aside from the fact that people are always telling me that I need to "come out of my shell," I've also returned to reproduce at the same beach where I was born, as sea turtles are known to do. Except in this case, substitute the term "beach" for "hospital." I was born at St. Mary's hospital, too, even though your mother and I don't live near the hospital like your grandmother and grandfather did. Beyond that, when you are finally discharged, your mother and I are selling our house and moving back to the place where I grew up. So that is double evidence for the sea turtle hypothesis.
When you get old enough to hold your breath, I'll toss you into grandma and grandpa's pool so that the natural sea turtle in you can emerge as well.
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