Thursday, March 13, 2014

Poop Master 3000

Dear Ellie,

The nurses finally began to take seriously the little-howitzer-that-is-your-anus and have officially engaged it in conventional warfare.  They deployed the aircraft carrier of preemie diapers: The Poop Master 3000.  It's officially thicker than the armor on a Bradley Tank and it envelopes somewhere in the vicinity of half your body.  Thus far, we haven't seen any blowouts.  That doesn't stop you from nailing the nurses once that diaper is off, though.  A few nights ago, one of the nurses accused you of "attacking" her.  You have this thing where you wrinkle your forehead and clench your eyes shut before projectile peeing and pooing at the same time, upon which everything in a 90 degree cone of effect is laid to waste  It kind of reminds me of when a captain on a battleship shouts "fire all weapons!" sending cannon shells and missiles alike erupting into the air.

When we take you home, we're going to need one of those blast shields like they have on the Myth Busters for detonations.

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